If there is a point beyond "heart-broken" - I find myself there at this moment. For the third time, we find ourselves stopping our adoption. In 2007, we put our 2nd adoption on hold, because (thank the Lord) I got pregnant with Emy. We started up again this spring only to stop because Dustin got laid off - just to get hired back a week later (thank the Lord again). We waited a few months to make sure things were stable and decided to proceed again. We, yet again, find ourselves in a situation in which our only option is to stop the process.
The worst part - the part that rips my heart at the core - is that I broke my rule and told Mia about the adoption. I always said that I wouldn't tell my girls until we had a referral. Mia was having an extremely difficult time - a first of it's kind type of thing - ya know, pull the car over so that I can hug her as she cries kind of thing. I thought it would cheer her up to know that she would be getting a little brother that looked just like her. Well, for months now she's been talking about her brother in India, praying for her brother and telling complete strangers that she has a baby brother. I can't bring myself to tell her...I don't even know where to begin...
Dustin and I have gone through so many lows over the past two years. The death of his sister, his grandmother and his sister's husband happened all within an 9 month period. With this last attempt to start up the adoption process, we felt like we were healing and ready to move on to something great for our family. This latest blow has been nearly crippling for me and there are days when I find it hard to see through the haze.
"Faith" can be a pretty & shiny word when you don't have to put it into use...I mean really put it to use. Sometimes when you've been stripped of everything else, faith is the only thing that can get you through. It has to...it's all you've got. If there is a bright-side, it is this...I have two healthy & wonderful girls. One, I was lucky enough to adopt and the other, I was lucky enough to give birth to. Both are beautiful and the definition of gifts from God. For that I'm forever grateful.
Finally, this is National Adoption Month. I received a request earlier this month regarding my "No Orphans of God" video that is on YouTube. A church in Alabama asked if they could use my video on Orphan Sunday. From what I know, my video played while the church choir (100+ choir members) sang the song from the video (No Orphans of God by Avalon). It was such a blessing to me that they used my video and that someone might be moved/motivated to help a child in need. I'm trying to get a video of the service...I'd love to see it! You can see the video they showed on the right side of this blog or see it larger below...
Thanks again to all of you who submitted photos of your family to be used in the video. When I get the video of the choir singing to this, I'll post it.
God Bless...
10 comments:
Oh Angie, I could almost hear your heartbreak in this post! I have tears streaming down my face. I'm so sorry to hear all of the blows to your family, I'm not sure what this latest one is BUT I know our God has you in his hands. I'm praying for you! And if you need anything and I mean anything feel free to contact me. I'll send my e-mail to you via the forum
Love Liberty
I am so sorry Angie. I can't imagine how hard this has to be.
Praying for God's strength over you.
Oh girl. I feel your heartbreak. My is just as broken. It's so easy to say that we live by faith and trust...but when the rubber meets the road it sounds so hollow when all we want is what we want...right now. So many people offer the tiresome "in God's timing" bandage. In the midst of such pain, to me I find more comfort when someone just says....man...that sucks! Because it does.
I don't understand why your family and ours are going through this time...when all we want it to add another precious child to our families. I pray that somehow you find comfort and peace, and I pray that someday soon the desires of both of our hearts are fulfilled.
BIG HUGS my friend.
I, too, understand this heart ache and the bear the brunt of what to say to our daughter. We had for all intensive purposes accepted a referral, had pictures posted up all over our house of this child for months, only to have it not happen. We are still holding onto the hope that we will still adopt, but in the mean time have not said anything to Devi. What do we say? How do we break this news? The situation, even if we break it down into the simplest terms is too difficult for her to grasp. We are walking in very similar shoes...if you need an ear email me greenden@comcast.net
Gentle Hugs from another bruised heart,
Julie R
I wish there was a way I could help. I can't imagine how you feel right now. I'm praying for you and that God will move the mountains you need Him to so that you can finally bring your sweet baby boy home.
Love,
Kristi W.
Oh Ang....my heart is breaking with you. I'm not sure exactly what is happening, but know that I'm here for you if you need to talk, chat or just flat out cry. We love you guys Angie! Hugs to you my sweet friend.
I am so sorry for the heartache you have been going through these past couple of years. I pray that God will wrap HIS arms of love around you and bring you comfort as only HE can.
April
Angie -
I'm pretty much speechless. It's so hard to follow God when we can't see where we're going...will pray for your family as you walk down this path with Him.
I am so sorry to hear this. Regardless how many children you have, I know your heart hurts. I pray you'll be able to bring your 3rd one home very soon. I don't understand all the postponements. We may never understand them. Praying for you.
Angie, I'm just catching up on my blogs, and was so saddened to read this post. I cannot imagine the frustration and heartbreak you are dealing with. You've had an amazing journey to each of your children. I have felt priviledged to follow them both, and hope someday to follow along on the third. My thoughts and prayers are with your whole family - specifically prayers for wisdom on how to tell your girl!
Kristy
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