The How

Sitting here at home, not at church...Emy, I'm sure, is wondering why I still haven't let her venture out in over a week.  She's doing MUCH better...just mom being a little extra cautious.  

If you would have asked me a year ago what I'd be doing today, even with all of the "crazy" going on this time last year, I still would have said I'd be smack-dab in the middle of our second adoption.  Well, one month leads into the next and still nothing. (Liberty, I was almost certain we'd be going through our adoptions together!)

Those of you who have adopted know how it goes...adoption isn't easy...adoption isn't fast...adoption isn't cheap.  Although I have a biological little one, I'm not one of those women who can just wish myself pregnant and have it be so.  Emy was a miracle...my pregnancy and her survival.  Even if we really tried to get pregnant, the perceived risk (in my mind) for the child would be too big of a burden for my heart to handle.  Can't say I'll feel this way 5 years from now, but if you ask me today pregnancy is not an option.

Who, When, How

Who...

As you know, Mia is from Kolkata.  We've surrounded ourselves with everything Indian.  I love the country, culture & curry!  I had a passion for India before Mia and my passion has grown stronger because of Mia.  I literally dream of India!  But I truly have to say that India is now a part of us as much as we are, in a small way, a part of it.  In a sense, we are part of it's legacy.  By instilling the love of culture, the love of its people, art, dance, etc., we have woven our family into the colorful fabric that is India - and I do mean colorful! Now, with all that being said, we are still trying to be open to adopting from other countries.  I would love to adopt from another country, but if I'm being totally honest...I have to ask myself, "Could I appreciate another country and incorporate another culture into our lives with as much ease as I have done with India"?  Would I be doing that child an injustice by not having the same passion for their country as I do for India?  The child, regardless of country, would be loved beyond measure...but with international adoption and all of its complexities...is love enough?  In a sense, I feel as though my heart has made a commitment to India, but in the same breath, if God leads us to another country, I know He will give us the same passion for that country as He has given us with India.    

When...

And so the clock keeps ticking and the situation becomes no less complicated.  Mia will be 4 in May and little Emy is already 18 months old...so hard to believe. The average adoption, in my estimation, is around 24-32 months depending on the country. That may even be a kind estimate. You adoptive parents know, even if you start an adoption now, you won't see the fruits of your labor for years to come. I desperately want to add another child to our family. If only wishing made it so.  

How...

New house, two kiddos, one income, failing economy.  These are scary times for some of us.  Dustin sells dental implants for a great company.  Well, dental implants are an elective procedure and I'm terrified that people will elect not to have them placed!  When you are in sales, the fear of layoffs is always in the corner of your mind.  Guess that's where faith comes in, right?  Faith, faith, faith...so easy to say, so hard to live.

For those of you that have adopted, do you ever find yourself looking at the world through the eyes of adoption.  Here's what I mean:

I find myself flipping through a celebrity mag at the doctor's office or flipping the channels and come across some celebrity show and yes I stop...must be that whole "train wreck" thing right?  Anyway,  Mr. or Mrs. Celebrity is reported to have spent $30,000 for one night as some hotel, or $50,000 for a dinner, and....now, tell me if you've done the same...I say to myself, "That could fund our entire adoption and then some"!  And it's not just celebrities.  With the recent news about the bailouts, you don't have to go far to hear stories about CEO's spending as much for a day at the spa as it would cost to give a child a family.  

I know, I know...I must sound bitter!  But really, I can't be the only one who thinks like that!  Right!?  Anyway, I know there are ways...fundraisers, donations, etc.  I guess Dustin and I have a hard time asking for money via fundraisers or donations, because international adoption is our choice - our privilege.  

We are blessed to even be in the world of international adoption.  God led us to India, gave us Mia, gave us Emy and if that's all He gives us, I would die a happy woman - happier & more blessed than I deserve I must say!  

Well, for the time being - as far as our next adoption goes, it's easier for me to dream about the "who"...plan for the "when"...rather than live in the "how".